Internet dating has rapidly become one of the most popular ways for couples to meet. You simply upload a photo, type out a small bio, and poof. Like magic your photo is now available for the whole world to see.
Naturally you pick the best photo you can find. Maybe it is 20 years old, but who cares. Your hair looked great that day. Maybe you lie a little about your age, or make yourself sound so much more interesting than you really are. Hey, you want the best guy out there to notice you right? Well guess what? The guy you are looking for, is probably doing exactly what you are. He probably dug into some of his old college photos, lied about his age, and more than likely made himself sound a whole lot more interesting than he is too. Ahh the joy of internet dating.
The problem with internet dating is, you never know. You never know if the person who seems interested in you is who he says he is. Nor does he know if you are who you say you are. It is a complete gamble, a complete risk. Internet dating is not the safest way to meet a potential partner. Because this person literally crawls out of a whole in the wall, you must rely on your instincts to guide you, unless you learn to think differently. If you are a trusting person, you may be in trouble. While trust is necessary to help create a bond with another, when it comes to internet dating, or with dating anyone you have absolutely no clue about, it is better to be distrustful than not.
Rather than believe every single word that comes out of this new persons mouth, it is better to take the wait and see approach. Wait and see if this person calls you when he says he will. Wait and see if he texts you or makes the effort he says he will. Rather than put all your eggs in one basket, leave that basket empty for awhile, and see if it fills up on its own.
Tips you should consider.
Before you meet any man off line, get his full name and date of birth. Do a background check. I know it sounds paranoid, but girl, this is your life we are talking about. Spend the $20 bucks it costs and do your homework. Check for a criminal record, a marriage license, and find out if he owns any property with another female. Find out how long he has been living where he is living. Find out what high school and college he attended, and check to see if he actually went there.
Before you meet this guy, gather as much information as you can about him. If he is someone that moves around a lot, that is not a very good sign. Steady partners usually have roots somewhere, and want to share those roots with the person he cares for. So roots are important.
Spend hours on the phone before you actually agree to meet. If he has the patience to talk without actually meeting you for awhile, that speaks volumes. It isn't a guarantee, but guys who are just interested in sex with a woman they met on a dating site, usually don't have the patience to spend hours trying to figure out what makes this woman tick.
Ask for his home number as well as his cell number, and call them. Don't just call when he asks you to. Call when you think he is at work, and see who picks up. See if a females voice is on the answering machine. Call his home at 1 am with a blocked number and see if he answers. I know this sounds sneaky, but again, you don't know this guy. Ted Bundy was a charming serial killer who had killed 28 women before he was finally caught. He tortured each of them violently. He used deception to lure women to him. He seemed innocent, charming, and would captivate these women with the way he spoke to them. I shriek to think of the fun this man would have had, had he known internet dating.
When you are talking to this person, see if he responds to statements you make about the way you feel, or does he ignore them. For instance; if you say you are tired, know that a healthy response to that question is, "Why are you so tired today?". When people are genuinely concerned about another, they act like it. If you speak and he does not mirror what you are conveying, he is probably not the guy for you. When a mans agenda is to know a woman, they are into you. They act as if they want to know you.
If this person makes statements that lead you to believe he has unresolved anger issues, then take note of that. Healthy men usually have found ways to settle old grudges, and have made peace with the past. Peaceful people have learned how to deal with the ups and downs of life with acceptance. You want a man in your life that is calm not agitated.
Listen to the way he speaks about powerful women like Hillary Clinton or others. Ask him his opinions and hear him. Know how he feels about his faith or if he has faith. Ask questions about how he feels about other races. Is he a racist? You should know that before you offer him any of your valuable time. What are his favorite things in life? What people does he admire? What people does he dislike?
When you decide to meet him, do so in a public place and when the date is over, GO HOME. Do not go to his place. Do not take him to yours. Stop yourself. Think, think, think. No matter how attractive or charming this person is, remember that this is your life we are talking about. Women go missing everyday somewhere. Yes, a missing woman is the extreme, but what about all the women that are raped, or drugged and then date raped, or who are used just for the sex. It happens. And if it can happen to anyone, yes my dear it can happen to you.
If you are truly looking for an authentic partner, hold off on sex until this guy has proved himself. If he is truly interested in you, he will wait and appreciate that you are careful. After a few months, when all your homework checks out, and he has proven to be who he said he was, then decide where you want to go with the relationship. In all fairness, he should be checking you out as much as you are him. If he does do background checks on you, that is a good sign. It means he is serious about his relationships.
Remember that you are the prize and this is his interview. Internet dating is like playing Russian Roulette. All it takes is that one bullet, and it is all over. You may get lucky once or twice, but if you keep playing a dangerous game, chances are you will eventually get hurt.
by Lisa A. Romano (http://voices.yahoo.com)